Cataystrophe

Relationships, poetry, Arkansas, the environment, life through experiment

Day on the Beach

In bed were blankets

White and green as sea and

Foam

Rolling wrinkles of yarn and

Cotton

Salt from my skin soaked deep

Into the mattress

Beyond the window cars roll by

On tires

When you close your eyes you hear

Ocean waves

Reflections~ Home and Back Again

“Would anybody like to try my chia latte with soy milk and lipstick around the hole?”

That’s how I ask my friends if they want to sip my Starbucks.

“Get a mug and share this pitcher with us.”…”I’m not drinking.”…”Why not??”…”Because I’m pregnant.”

That’s how my friend tells me she’s, you guessed it, pregnant.

Things are happening. I drove south this weekend to visit my family and old high school friends. My grandparents recently just moved into a retirement home. They have breakfast and lunch provided for them, field trips to go on if they so chose, and honestly, they’re very happy they decided to move in. In a similar time frame, doctors found a tumor in my uncle’s throat. He just finished chemotherapy and radiation, but is in the hospital after having not eaten in two weeks thanks to the pain in his throat making him gag and vomit whenever he tries to consume something. After receiving some much-needed nutrition, he’ll go home and get back to sharping his tennis skills. My family is in fight or flight mode, and friends everywhere are getting pregnant. Last month was my 24th birthday.

I feel like the sky is spinning, and the universe is throwing darts at stars just to see what will happen, and inevitably something will happen. As my good friend in AA would say, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. One thing I can be sure of, is that things will in fact change, always. Instead of telling my soul mate that I will always love them, her, or him, I might say, this life is ever-changing, and I will always be here, whether I am or not. 

Why not control the dartboard of my own universe? After all, my grandpa did give me his old dartboard while they were downsizing for the move. Spring is breezing through the mountain today. Standing in my backyard I hug myself, caress my arms. My skin remembers what it feels like to be touched, warm, wanted. A small electricity blossoms at the tips of my fingers and I yearn for more, always.

I can already feel myself shaking off winter. I feel happy again. No matter what the weather looks like outside or what’s happening at any given moment, if it were the amazing people in my life I wouldn’t be able to keep my head afloat. My friends and family have always supported me, and I will always return this blessing. 

When you let the blessings flow they keep coming—my uncle was released from the hospital.